Written by Samantha Carvalho
Do you find yourself in a long-term relationship that all of a sudden seems to be going nowhere? Are you wondering whether or not you should in fact spend the rest of your life with this person even though you love them so dearly? The truth of the matter is that even healthy relationships go through ruts sometimes. The key is to identify it and then take action to fix it. Below are 10 signs that may indicate you and your soulmate are in a relationship rut.
1. Communication Is Minimal
Lately, it seems that you and your partner have nothing new to talk about. Instead, you circulate around the same stories, discussing the same people and memories. What’s worse, your topics of conversation centre around your to-do list. For example, texting your spouse to pick up groceries on the way home, or running through the chores that need to get done in the upcoming weekend.
2. Future Planning Has Lost Its Spark
Remember in the beginning of your relationship when you two could spend hours dreaming about the future and putting together plans to make it happen? Well, not chatting about the future – even if it simply concerns plans for the weekend – feels like a chore. You struggle to get excited about it and the idea of planning seems like a massive task.
3. You’re Overwhelmed By The Day-To-Day
You know the saying, “life got in the way”? Well, that’s the story of your life at the moment. You and your partner are both so busy that you barely have time to even see each other, let alone spend some quality time together. You’re so caught up in just getting through the day, week, and / or month, that you’re completely missing the sharing life with the love of your life.
4. Sex Has Become Routine (Or Non-Existent)
Perhaps one of the most obvious signs that your relationship is in a rut is a decrease in sex or, more specifically, spontaneous sex. As mentioned above, life can get busy. So, you and your partner may be so stuck in the routine of ‘scheduled’ sex that you can’t remember the last time you spontaneously got it on. What’s worse, you’ve stopped having sex entirely and can’t even remember the last time you lusted after your spouse.
5. You Fight About Everything
When you do manage to communicate, it more often than not becomes a screaming match that lasts for days on end. It seems that you’re both constantly on edge and can’t manage to hold a conversation without it turning into a fight. Moreover, you seem to end up arguing whenever you go out, something your friends have started to notice as well.
6. Or, You’ve Stopped Fighting Entirely
An alternative sign to fighting all the time may be that you’ve stopped fighting altogether. While constant fighting in a relationship is, by no means, encouraged, a disagreement every now and then is healthy and can even spark passion. Yet, when you do feel the urge to fight with your partner, you resist it as it just seems like too much effort to rock the boat.
7. Every Day Of The Week Is The Same
If you look back over the last few months, you realize that you and your spouse have done almost exactly the same thing every weeknight or weekend. Weeknights may include lazing in front of the TV while weekends may be broken into time spent with friends, sports, and / or visiting the family. You can’t remember the last time you had a spontaneous date night or did something together that was ‘out of the norm’.
8. You’re Too Co-Dependent On One Another
If you’ve been in a relationship for many years, it can sometimes be difficult not to become co-dependent on your partner. Yet, this can often lead to a relational rut. You’re so used to spending all your time with your spouse and doing everything with them that you have lost sight of your individuality. You also don’t ever get a chance to ‘miss’ your partner because you’re with them all. the. time.
9. You Consider Your Relationship An Effort
Everything concerning your relationship just feels like an effort or another task you need to check off of your to-do list. You’d much rather remain in your sweats as opposed to dressing up for your spouse and saying ‘I love you’ has become something you do in autopilot.
10. Other People Seem More Interesting
Whether it be your friends who you’d rather hang out with, the person you’re texting during dinner, or that colleague who has suddenly become more attractive, anyone seems more interesting than your spouse. Given the option, you’d much rather go for drinks with a friend / colleague / acquaintance than spend time with your loved one.
If you can relate to a few, or all, of the above, you are most likely in a relationship rut. The good news is that almost all relationships go through these periods. It doesn’t necessarily mean you need to break up, but simply that you need to talk to your partner about how you are feeling and look at ways to bring back the spark and spontaneity you once had. Better yet, book an appointment with Mary to get your relationship back on track in no time!