Written by Samantha Carvalho
We’ve all heard of the term ‘dealbreaker’. Yet, when it comes to relationships, we are more likely to put together a list of ‘dealmakers’. While this definitely a start, it’s also important to identify the things that you are not willing to compromise on.
A number of years ago, Peter Jonason and colleagues performed a number of studies around identifying what people consider to be ‘relationship dealbreakers’. These involved college students as well as single adults. The following were found to be dealbreakers for college students.
Dealbreakers for College Students in a Long-Term Relationship
Understandably so, one of the biggest dealbreakers for students in a long-term relationship was if they discovered that their partner had an anger issue or was abusive. They also deemed the fact that if their partner was already in a relationship, married, or dating multiple partners, as a definite dealbreaker. If they discovered that their significant other had a health problem, such as an STD, or struggled with an alcohol or drug problem, they would more than likely call it off. In terms of personality traits, characteristics including being untrustworthy, or inattentive or uncaring, were also found to be relationship dealbreakers. Finally, if the boyfriend or girlfriend exhibited poor hygiene, or smelt bad, most college students would find that cause for a break up.
Dealbreakers for College Students in a Short-Term Relationship
While most of the dealbreakers mentioned in short-term relationships correlated with those identified in long-term relationships, there were a few additional ones mentioned. These included being bad in bed as well as being deemed unattractive. College students would also find reason to end a short-term relationship if they found their partner to not take adequate care of themselves. Or, if they discovered them to be racist or bigoted.
17 Dealbreakers in Committed Relationships
Peter Jonason and his colleagues then went on to study the responses of single, adult Americans when it comes to dealbreakers in relationships. This study produced the following 17 results:
Another way to look at these would be to group them into the following three areas:
As can be seen from the table provided above, undesirable physical traits, when it comes to relationships, are a disheveled or unclean appearance, or the lack of self-confidence. People were also found to be less willing to partake in a long-distance relationship. And, for some, if they found out that their potential partner already had kids, they would no longer be interested. The opinion on an athletic look varied, with some people favouring it while others considered it a dealbreaker.
When it comes to desirable behavioural traits in a relationship, being lazy is definitely not one of them. Also, being deemed ‘bad at sex’ or experiencing a low sex drive may result in your single status being reborn once more. People were also put off by their potential partners spending too much time in front of the TV or playing video games. Sorry gamers! And, finally, there was once again discrepancy between partners talking too much or being too quiet. That one seems to come down to the individual.
Personality traits that were found to be relationship dealbreakers included being seen as ‘too needy’ as well as lacking a sense humour. People were also willing to end the relationship if their significant other was found to be stubborn or blunt. Finally, the conversation about whether or not kids would be apart of the future was also found to be a dealbreaker.
Apart from the dealbreakers mentioned above, the following was also revealed in the study:
- Most people find relationship dealbreakers to be more important than dealmakers
- Women were found to be more discriminatory when deciding on a mating partner than men
- What we say we find desirable in partners does not always correspond with our actual choice in partners
So, there you have it. Are your dealbreakers included in the list above? Or, do you have others? If you’re wondering whether or not the thing you’re unhappy with is a relationship dealbreaker, why not book an appointment with Mary just to be sure! It might end up being something you and your partner are able to work on.